My parents hate that I live in West Philadelphia. In fact, they hate the fact even more that technically I could live in the safe confines of our home in suburban Philadelphia, but would rather choose to live at school on a street that 34th Street voted most likely to get mugged on. I get daily emails about the crime logs and incessant phone calls reminding me to set the security alarm, all because we live in the hot bed of crime known as University City.

While my parents are thoroughly convinced that nothing could ever go wrong in the suburbs of the Mainline, little do they know that horrible crime is not just happening in our urban environment, but is also occurring at our neighboring suburban schools.

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No one’s going to miss John Street. Every minute the ex-Mayor spent in office was detrimental to Philadelphia. He actually helped the city when he spent 15 hours waiting in line for an iPhone. Worst of all, the dude didn’t look that ridiculous. From some angles, you can make the case he looks like a black Mugatu (from Zoolander):

That’s why I’m positively giddy that Michael Nutter is our new Mayor-Elect.
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How do you get a teenager to devote a decade of his life to becoming a medical professional? With a rapping Groundhog of course!

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First, we’re ranked the ugliest city in America. Now, apparently, we don’t know how to party either.

This past week, Maxim released their highly scientific list of top-10 party cities in the United States.

Based on such factors as male to female ratio, the number of bars per-capita, noise ordinance complaints, and number of four-year college students, Miami took the top spot, followed by Los Angeles and Atlanta.

While the results seem to be based on the cold, hard data, I can’t help but wonder if the formula is correct. While Philly didn’t even make the list, my hometown, Detroit, took number seven. As much as I love the D, I wouldn’t exactly call it a party town.

Tampa snagged the 6th spot, seemingly primarily on its 49 strip clubs. Ummm, did we mix up the “party city” and “sleazy city” lists?

While Philly overflows with college-kids (many from the “party Ivy,” no less), clubs, and bars downtown, Maxim overlooked us. But should they ever visit the Party-delphia, I’m sure they’d change their mind.

New York City recently declared a “A Day Against Hate”. Should Philly do the same? I’m thinking not, since we’re already so angry. A pro-hate day where everyone just walks around screaming obscenities and insulting each other’s outfits would do more good for us. We could call it “Thursday”.

Upon closer reading, NYC’s a “Day Against Hate” actually refers to hate crimes. Well, that changes everything. I would go so far as to say that the city of Philadelphia should not only follow suit with its own day, it should also take an anti-hate crimes stance nearly the entire year. I might even recommend that Philly go simply anti-crime in general, but the research is still pending. I’ll get back to you later. Until then feel free to keep your own opinions about crime.

They caught him.

A nationwide manhunt for Philadelphia’s cop-killing John Lewis has ended in Miami. After shooting hoops with Dwayne Wade in the American Airlines Arena and making a new music video with Will Smith, Lewis ducked into the Miami Rescue Mission for some soup and stale donuts. Police found him at the homeless shelter’s chapel praying to God that no one would find him.

Lewis was then dragged out of the shelter, screaming, “There is no God!”

It’s good for the country, the city, and especially the family of slain police officer Chuck Cassidy that they caught this guy. But things didn’t have to turn out this well — a smarter criminal might still be on the loose. I know that if I were John Lewis, and I didn’t want anyone to find me, I wouldn’t have stepped foot outside Philly.

Is it serving the community, or just community service?

Those passing by College Green the past two days couldn’t help but be solicited for change. The twist was that those asking were not actual homeless people, but the brothers of Alpha Epsilon Pi. Check out the scene:

They’ll end up camping out for 48 hours, collecting money for a local soup kitchen. As one of the brothers put it (standing in a suit, mind you), they’re becoming homeless for two days, presumably for the sake of those who don’t have a choice. I see the resemblance: they guilt passerby into giving spare change, and you can’t help but wonder if they’re just going to spend it on booze.

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Remember the prostitute, raped at gunpoint, whose trial ended with the judge dropping all rape charges and converting them to “theft of services”?

The story’s not over. After a blowup in the blogosphere, Philadelphia activists began a grassroots movement supporting the disbarment of Municipal Judge Theresa Carr Deni. On Tuesday, Philadelphia Bar Association Chancellor Jane Leslie Dalton issued a statement that spoke forcefully against Deni’s decision, stating that “The victim has been brutalized twice in this case: first by the assailants, and now by the court.”

So now there’s controversy over Deni’s ruling and over Dalton’s statement as the rest of the bar reacts. Personally, I’m just glad that someone in the system managed to stand up and say how ridiculous and painfully biased the decision was. If it stands, it sets an awful precedent.

With the myriad shootings and other violent crimes that have recently taken place, the Philadelphia judiciary doesn’t need to give its population more excuses to commit crimes. Kudos to Dalton for her strong statement, and kudos to everyone who sent letters of complaint to the bar. Justice still has a chance.

Apparently, kids in University City have to trick or treat in New Jersey because Penn students are too lazy/stupid to have candy on hand.

Article after article in The Daily Pennsylvanian tells us how Penn students should volunteer doing x, or how the University should sponsor initiative y in order to help the community. But the thing is, when I look back at the neighborhood I grew up in (which had considerably less shootings), I never judged the people based on how much they volunteered.

But I did judge people based on what type of treat they gave out on Halloween. It was always, “Oh, that’s the old lady that doesn’t give out candy,” never, “That’s where the witch lives that won’t tutor me in algebra!”

Trick or treating sounds like a great way for Penn students to truly interact with local residents as neighbors, not “saviors”. Believe it or not, not all West Philly residents need to be “saved” by bright-eyed undergrads. So go to CVS tonight and buy a bag of candy. Worst-case scenario is you have an excuse to eat 50 snicker bars by yourself. Just don’t be the guy who passes out sugar-free gum — I’m looking at you, dental students.

It happened close to campus. Too close. Still, we often forget how fortunate we are to be living in this part of Philly. We are in virtually a green zone.

However, if it gets worse, let these select quotes be your survival guide to Philadelphia. Better to be prepared, as some parts of Philadelphia “have spray-painted ‘IRAQ’ in huge letters on abandoned buildings to mark the devastation”:

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