The surgery-suspense genre has been thriving lately, as Jessica Alba will attest. Just look at her two most recent films — Awake and The Eye. The first has something to do with a heart transplant murder scheme. The second is an Asian horror remake about the spooky history of a pair of donated eyes.

These films are popular because they exploit the natural fear of going under the knife. But sometimes fact is freakier than fiction. As the DP reports, the details of a developing lawsuit against the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania rival anything Hollywood could come up with.

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Pardon my language… but today sucks. Tomorrow, too.

For the first time in four years — and only the third time in a decade — Penn missed the men’s NCAA basketball tournament.

Did I just lose your sympathy?

Look. Maybe you’re blasé about Penn athletics or sports-illiterate. But, with our basketball slide likely to continue, let me explain why a winning team benefits the school.

(And if the cost is our ethical standards? Meh.)

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A study called “Booksthatmakeyoudumb” has been making the rounds, and I finally took the time to check it out. Created by one Virgil Griffith, it claims to map the correlation between one’s favorite books and one’s intelligence. According to “Booksthatmakeyoudumb,” the “smartest” book out there is Nabokov’s Lolita (it’s about white people), and the “dumbest” is Alice Walker’s The Color Purple (it’s about black people).

A closer look shows that of the “stupidest” 10 books, 8 are written by African-Americans. Naturally, this raises some serious questions about race and intelligence. It’s unfortunate that Griffith refuses to address them. But it’s unforgivable that his method actually invents them…

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It’s March, which means it’s not February, which means FebClub is over. As promised, here are my thoughts on the second half of the month. After receiving some Class Board death threats feedback that my “Good, Bad, and Ugly” categorization was too negative, I’m switching things up to “Great, Pretty Good, and Nice Try!”

It should also be noted that my participation kind of flagged towards the end. I finished with 20 stamps, putting me shy of the much-coveted Class of ‘08 beer stein. So if there was a particularly great or awful event that I missed, let me know. Anyway, here it goes…

The Great: If Dave & Busters is the STD-riddled skank who makes the rounds in your neighborhood, then University Pinball is the unnoticed shy girl living next door who would be really popular if people took the time to get to know her. This is an old-school arcade. They’ve got air hockey, pool, three pinball machines, the Simpsons, Soul Calibur II, Tekken 5, Mortal Kombat 3, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Area 51, and plenty of other games. The machines take quarters, not credit cards. And best of all, Class Board actually threw their weight around for once and made the event a “Free Play” night. But I’ll definitely be back even if it means dropping $5 to beat the Mothership…

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David Lei might not sound concerned that The DP missed the boat on who’s performing at Spring Fling… but secretly, all of us on the Spin are seething because — again! — we’ve been beaten to a huge scoop by other, unnamed “blogs of the Ivy League.” Or something sort of like that. Anyway, if only we’d stop writing about politics for a minute and start snooping instead, maybe we could actually break some real news.

Luckily, as I checked my e-mail today — desperate to find something to write about — I found the following press flyer, from some student group no doubt familiar with my hard-hitting work and hoping I’d be their Boswell. I could check this with Mask & Wig, but… nah. This PhotoShop looks pretty legitimate to me!

So I’m please to share that — and hold on to your hats… (more…)

I was always scared of homeless people.

The ragged clothes. The odor. The crazed expressions. As a child, I would stare at them and pick up my pace a little.

This attitude is easy to adopt and hard to shake. On your first few days as a Penn student, the mentality is reinforced. We all know the maxims and anecdotes: Don’t wander too far past 40th. Always travel in groups. Remember, a girl got shot a few years back.

This isn’t to say that Maureen Rush and the good people at the Department of Public Safety don’t have the best intentions. We don’t live in Ithaca or Hanover. It is no coincidence that Penn has the fourth largest private police force in the nation.

However, it is wrong to assume that homeless people are our enemies (especially when our “allies” seem indistinguishable).

We, as Penn students, should occasionally climb down from our Ivory Tower and take advantage of our unique environment. West Philadelphia should serve as a constant reminder of the harsh realities of the real world. There are an estimated 25,000 homeless people in Philadelphia, roughly half from West Philly.

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Despite what my picture suggests, sometimes I need a haircut. I know it’s that time of year when my hats don’t fit anymore or when strangers come up to me and give me change. Whichever comes first. Then I borrow some clippers from a friend, pluck out all the pubic hair stuck in them, and shave my head.

But it recently came to my attention that such grooming habits are generally frowned upon, so yesterday I tried something new. I went to Aveda, the new haircutting school at 40th and Chestnut. Aveda is a big bi-level warehouse — it would have made for a great club. But does it make for a great hair salon?

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The Archbishop of Canterbury is the operational head of the Church of England and de facto spiritual leader of the worldwide Anglican Communion, known here as the Episcopalian Church. Invented purely because Henry VIII was horny. Never come between a man and his new booty when he is also head of a nation. Just ask Nicolas Sarkozy, president of those randy French.

The present Archbishop, Dr. Rowan Williams, recently commented that aspects of Sharia (basically Islamic law) should be given legal standing with English law. This subsequently managed to piss off, well, everyone. Condemnation has poured in from across the entire political spectrum. From crazy knee-jerk xenophobes who railed against accommodating Islam in Britain’s Christian heritage to those frightened about the limiting of women’s rights, no-one seems to be happy with the Archbishop’s thinking. There have been calls for him to resign.

I, too, disagree. But not because of the vicious reasons that people have been, rather disconcertingly, espousing over the last week.

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I will get one. It is inevitable. Why? You ask.

Because I will have a job. It will be one where the emails pertain to important things. I write in response to the delectable Miss Himeles who reported on the use of Blackberries (or since they aren’t actually berries, is it Blackberrys?) a few days ago, and in response to Miss Gordon, who wrote an opinion piece back in September.

Miss Gordon, you are not inadequate for your non-use of the Blackberry. You are, in fact, getting more out of your college life and I am glad to see from your wonderfully sarcastic article that you got that point. I am huge fan of a decent spot of sarcasm. For those of you for whom it is still like a foreign language, read the piece and learn.

You see, Miss Himeles pointed out that Blackberr(ies)(ys) apparently suit the pre-professional outlook here at Penn. I would like to add one thing: PRE - professional. Pre. You know what actual bankers see when they observe Penn students walking around with Blackberrys(ies?). No, it isn’t, “Wow, that kid really has it together, better hire him!” It’s, “Seriously, what the hell sort of email does he get that he needs to have it right away?” or “What a prick.”

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We’re done for the semester, but don’t worry — spring’s coming! New classes, bunnies, blooming flowers, and, of course, a whole new crop of bloggers.

So if you’re funny and interesting, if you think the blog’s been great and want to contribute (or think it could use some work and want to help us make it better), if you’ll have too much free time next semester, if you want a platform from which to launch your plans of world domination — apply! The application is here, along with more information.

We’re looking for text bloggers as well as anyone into multimedia, so if you think you could rock the blog with photo, video, voice podcasts, or any other original media (webcomics? charcoal drawings? claymation?), throw your idea out there and we’ll see what we can do with it.

Applications are due January 4, so you can apply when you’re done suffering through finals and eating/sleeping (most of) your way through break.

Happy Holidays from the Spin!