So it has been brought to my attention that, in fact, we are a bunch of nerds. And, as usual, I blame Princeton.

For it was they who hosted a team from Middlebury playing Quidditch. Oh yes, Quidditch. I don’t care if we hosted them first, I still blame them, mainly to avoid despairing at our own sheer idiocy. Thankfully Ivygate blames them, too.

For those of you not cool enough to know, Quidditch is the game of the wizarding world, as described in the Harry Potter novels.

The game involves flying around on broomsticks with three different kinds of balls - one type (the Quaffle) to throw through hoops, one type (the Bludger) that renders you unconscious and the Golden Snitch, a tiny little ball that whizzes around, the capture of which ends the game and earns you 150 points (usually winning you the match). The rules are important for what comes next.

In the Middlebury version, the Snitch is played by a “hyperactive college student” in a yellow jersey, sporting a sock from his behind in the hope someone grabs it and ends the game. I think he’s also asking for feel-up, but that’s just me talking. I mean, kid, what the hell is wrong with you? You are not a Snitch, you’re an idiot hoping no one catches the sock flapping invitingly in the region of your arse.

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“Despite this discomfort, I will continue to press on as one of the last beacons of strength and morality. That may sound too pompous for the rather insignificant matter at hand, but courage on any level is hard to find these days. Political correctness, a weakening morality and lack of courage are suffocating our once-great nation.”

Sounds pretty serious … that is, until one realizes this guy is defending his right to scream “NOT GAY.”

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We have media conglomerate Clear Channel to thank for taking Howard Stern off the air, blacklisting the Dixie Chicks, policing the air with a “zero tolerance” indecency policy and now, for not playing The Boss’s new album on the nearly 1,200 radio stations it owns.

That’s right, folks. Rock and roll legend Bruce Springsteen’s “Magic” has been banned. The album, which has garnered critical acclaim (five stars from Rolling Stone) and continues to climb the charts, has been deemed inappropriate.

After the jump: Racy lyrics from the banned songs.

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Pennsylvania hunter Rick Jacobs was hoping to take photos of deer with his stationary camera. Instead he caught a picture of a freaking Sasquatch.

When Jacobs found the photos of the strange animal, he did what any sane person would do and contacted the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization — or BFRO for those in the know. According to the BFRO website, the images “likely show a young juvenile bigfoot”.

Juvenile bigfoots are “typically described as quadrupedal (walking on four legs), with the ability to climb trees or run very quickly on all fours”.

I’m guessing they only climb trees when they’re not riding their unicorns to their underground Sasquatch cities where they make shoes with David the Gnome.

Now I’m sure everyone is thinking two things right now:

1. What exactly is the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization? It sounds like some offshoot of Drexel’s Bio department?

The BFRO “seeks to resolve the mystery surrounding the bigfoot phenomenon” and is “directed by a virtual community of scientists, journalists, and specialists from diverse backgrounds.” BFRO is through invitation only, with invitations being given to those who attend a BFRO expedition. http://www.bfro.net/gdb/show_FAQ.asp?id=852 a

2. What is the danger if this Bigfoot makes its way from Western Pennsylvania to campus?

According to BFRO, you should be pretty safe! “Sasquatches do not attack humans, but they may stalk or harass humans in a forested area, possibly the result of a territorial conflict.” But what about the children? My god, the children! No worries! “Several reports describe easy opportunities to attack or grab children who were not closely attended. In all such situations the sasquatches merely observed the children until they themselves were noticed by someone. Then they simply walked or ran away.”

” Thank god!