Dear Penn Community,

As your Supreme Commander and new member of mayor-elect Michael Nutter’s transition team, I wanted to explain how Penn will contribute to this new administration. This list is not exhaustive. But it should give you a feel about who will be representing Penn in Nutter’s administration in the coming years.

Chairman of the ‘Philicon’ Valley Commission — Ryan Goldstein

Don’t think Philadelphia’s got the goods to be the next high-tech hot spot? Then you haven’t met Ryan Goldstein! Only a junior at Penn and already forging global computing cooperation, reaching out to the internet’s best and brightest, and still passing “Ethics and Social Responsibility for Engineers.” He will make AKILL-er appointment.

Deputy Mayor of “Safety” Initiatives — Rafael Robb

If I could describe this former economics professor in one word, it would be “honest“. With “hardly” a blemish to his name, he’s got the best plan to lead this city to “security.” Toe the line “Killadelphia,” or you might get Robb-ed!

(more…)

I donned my costume and left for Amy Gutmann’s infamous Halloween party. I decided to dress up like none other than the “conspicuously retired” Dean of Admissions, Willis Stetson. I didn’t have to wait long before trouble brewed…

7:15 PM- I arrive at the soirée at Wynn Commons. Terrorist sightings: 0. The best costume, right off the bat, is a mummy, almost completely wrapped in toilet paper. The chocolate fountain calls…

7:20 PM- Still no terrorists. “Werewolves of London” is sort of a catchy tune. All the girls are wearing much longer skirts than they were on Saturday night.

7:22 PM- My first Gutmann sighting! She isn’t wearing a costume!! What sort of calamity is this?!? I try to go for a picture, but too many people are around. The terrorist count is still zero.

(more…)