So I get an email from Class Board this weekend urging me to sign the Hey Day pledge:

Because of collaborative work done between students and administrators last year, Hey Day 2007 was the cleanest and safest Hey Day in recent memory, one that was called a success even by the Associated Press (see press release below for details).

This year, we hope to build on the progress made in Hey Day 2007 to ensure that the tradition remains safe and sustainable for future years. The only way this can occur is if this year’s seniors — the members of the Class of 2008 — are equally as excited to preserve the tradition of Hey Day as last year’s seniors.

Fuck you, Class Board. Don’t tell me that a successful Hey Day means gushing praise from the administration and major news outlets. A successful Hey Day means someone getting sent to the hospital because a bag of urine explodes in her eye. A successful Hey Day means the President getting drenched in beer and thrown down the stairs.

And don’t talk to me about “tradition.” If there’s any kind of tradition behind these events it’s one of nihilistic student violence. The tradition of sucking the administration’s c*ck is both new and unwelcome.

So let me propose an alternative pledge:

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